Can I call to ask about someone else?

You can call and ask general questions — what an assessment involves, what it costs, how the evening schedule works — and we will answer all of it. We cannot tell you whether a specific person is a client here. That confidentiality is the same protection that may one day make them willing to walk in.

Should we do an intervention?

The confrontational televised format has weak evidence and often damages the relationship you most need intact. Approaches that keep the relationship and reduce barriers — like CRAFT — have better outcomes. Talk to a clinician before organising anything.

Do they have to want it for treatment to work?

Not at the start. Plenty of people arrive because a court, an employer or a family member pushed, and go on to do well. Motivation is something treatment works on, not a prerequisite for it.

Where do I get naloxone in New Jersey?

Any NJ pharmacy, without a prescription, and it is available free through state programmes. Carry it regardless of what substance seems to be involved.

What if I am not sure it is serious enough for treatment?

That is what an assessment is for, and "no treatment indicated" is a real possible outcome. Finding out costs a conversation.

Family & support

How to help someone who is not ready

You cannot make someone go. What you can do is more than nothing, and less exhausting than what you are probably doing now.

Published August 19, 2026

You've probably already tried reasoning, pleading, ultimatums, and pretending it's fine. Some of those worked for a while. None of them worked permanently, and you're tired.

This isn't going to tell you the sentence that changes their mind. There isn't one. Here is what there is.

"Rock bottom" is bad advice

The idea that someone must lose everything before they'll accept help is not supported by the evidence, and it has cost lives. People enter treatment at every point on that curve — some after a job loss, some after a quiet Tuesday when something finally landed.

Waiting for a bottom means waiting while the risk goes up. Overdose risk doesn't wait for readiness.

What actually moves people

The research on this is more encouraging than the folklore:

Staying connected. The single most useful thing a family member does is remain someone the person can come back to. People go to treatment when someone is on the other side of it.

Being specific instead of general. "You're an addict and you need help" is easy to deflect. "On Sunday you didn't come to dinner and Maya cried" is not, because it's true and it's small and it's about you rather than about their identity.

Naming what you'll do, not what they must. "I'm not going to lend you money any more" is enforceable by you. "You have to stop" isn't.

Making the next step small. "Come to treatment" is a large door. "There's a phone number, and a call costs nothing, and I'll sit with you while you make it" is a small one.

Being available at the moment of willingness. Readiness is not stable. It appears, sometimes for a few hours. Practical version: have the number saved, know the evening groups run Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, know that an assessment is a conversation and not a commitment. When they say "maybe", the gap between maybe and an appointment should be measured in minutes.

What doesn't work

Ultimatums you won't keep. Each unkept one teaches that the next won't be kept either. Only make the ones you'll actually enforce.

Arguing about the label. Whether they're "an alcoholic" is not the useful question. Whether Thursday keeps going the way Thursday has been going is.

Confrontations designed to overwhelm. The televised intervention format has weak evidence and often damages the relationship — which is the thing you most need intact.

Taking over their life to prevent consequences. Paying the fine, covering the shift, explaining to their boss. Understandable every single time, and it removes the information they need.

The hardest part: your own line

You're allowed to have one. Not as a tactic — as a fact about what you can survive.

Some people can live with a family member who's actively using. Some can't, or can't with children in the house. Both are legitimate. What isn't sustainable is having a line and pretending you don't, because the person can tell, and so can you.

If you're afraid of them, or the children aren't safe, that's not a boundary question. Get help now — 911 if there's immediate danger.

Look after yourself, genuinely

Not as an afterthought. You are more useful to them steady than exhausted, and you're a person independent of their crisis.

Al-Anon and Nar-Anon run across New Jersey and are free. Family therapy helps whether or not the person using ever comes. Our resources page lists what's available locally, including lines you can call at 3am.

What you can do tonight

Save 988. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, call or text, 24 hours. It is not only for suicide.
Save 1-800-662-HELP. SAMHSA's national line — treatment referrals, free, confidential.
Learn where naloxone is. Free at NJ pharmacies without a prescription. Have it, whether or not opioids seem to be part of the picture. It does nothing if it isn't needed, and it reverses an overdose if it is.
Say one specific true thing. Not the whole speech. One thing, about you, without a demand attached.

If they say maybe

Call (201) 256-1826. You can call before they do — we'll tell you what an assessment involves and what it costs, so you have real answers ready instead of having to find them in the ten minutes the window is open.

We can't tell you anything about them if they're already a client. That's the same rule that will protect them, and one day it may be the reason they trust the place enough to walk in.

Common questions

Can I call to ask about someone else?: You can call and ask general questions — what an assessment involves, what it costs, how the evening schedule works — and we will answer all of it. We cannot tell you whether a specific person is a client here. That confidentiality is the same protection that may one day make them willing to walk in.
Should we do an intervention?: The confrontational televised format has weak evidence and often damages the relationship you most need intact. Approaches that keep the relationship and reduce barriers — like CRAFT — have better outcomes. Talk to a clinician before organising anything.
Do they have to want it for treatment to work?: Not at the start. Plenty of people arrive because a court, an employer or a family member pushed, and go on to do well. Motivation is something treatment works on, not a prerequisite for it.
Where do I get naloxone in New Jersey?: Any NJ pharmacy, without a prescription, and it is available free through state programmes. Carry it regardless of what substance seems to be involved.
What if I am not sure it is serious enough for treatment?: That is what an assessment is for, and "no treatment indicated" is a real possible outcome. Finding out costs a conversation.